Warning: A little “ranty”…again.
Faith: Belief based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.
I have no peace currently and struggle with undirected anger.
From my religious upbringing my mind has been imprinted to find peace through belief that is objective and certain. This belief was then supposed to be the foundation for everything. I was expected to lay every care or worry on God and trust that it would take care of it. This was imprinted on me through my religious community as a way of putting every single anything at peace in my mind.
The religious culture I was raised in approached the existence of God as a objective “True Fact” and faith in that God as a matter of certainty. The problem with this is that as I have matured and have been honest with myself, I have realized that God does not exist as a “fact” in our reality and that we cannot claim certainty in our approach to it. God is just not a person, place or thing that we have the ability to prove. Yet we approach it in that manner with those exact expectations.
My system of coping with the unknowable foundational questions of existence was delusional and unrealistic. It has deposited me as 40 year old man with a philosophical thought process and spiritual expectations that are completely delusional and unrealistic at their core. I have essentially been trained to comfort myself and ease my mind by lying to myself. The tools my religious culture gave me are only useful and dependable when a deep lie is present in my thought process and reasoning.
Yet I still do not find fault with God (that would be placing anger or blame on something that I don’t understand nor can I prove, so hence rather fruitless). I don’t even blame the Bible. What I do blame the human approach to these things. The Bible is simply an imperfect human attempt at understanding that which is outside of our understanding of space, time and matter. God does not exist in the same way as we exist, we cannot expect to know God as we would know a human.
It would seem that the more we can experience and know love the more we would know and experience God.